Balance acceptance with a healthy NO

I had in mind, for quit some time now, the idea of writing about acceptance and about the power of saying NO. Couldn’t motivate myself enough to sit down and write. What caused the change of heart? A vacation.

I booked an all-inclusive week in a five starts hotel. I was looking forward to my well-deserved (luxurious I imagined) break. The first holiday of the year. To my surprise and complete disappointment, the room, the amenities, and the hotel in general, were far, far away from the declared five starts. I had to choose: spend seven miserable days in a place that looked like an old wrinkled lady wanting to pass as a sexy-twenty something, or focus on the good parts ( the sea, the view, the delicious food) and try to make the best out of my pricey vacation. I chose the latter, not forgetting to make an official complaint to the travel agency.

What surprised me even more is that although other guests experienced similar issues, they decided to take no action. This was for me a reminded and a confirmation of how easy we accept things. Not only the good ones, but the bad ones as well. This also reminded me that we often forget we have the power to say NO and the power to change what must not be accepted.

We welcome, integrate, and accept the good in all aspect of our lives, without questions and without questioning.

What we do not admit with open heart is that we also welcome, integrate and accept the bad in all aspects of our lives. Sometimes we consciously acknowledge it, letting the quit resignation in front of bad take the lead. And we say just like a whisper “it could be worst” to encourage ourselves, knowing deep down that it could also be better. Lacking the courage to say an open-hearted NO.

Sometimes the bad gently steps in. We allow it unaware that the bad will gradually become a perfect blend in our daily existence. Unhurried and not challenged, the burden will keep getting heavier and heavier. We will accept it and we will continue carrying it, because now is a part of us and a part of our existence. We will keep going completely forgetting that we can shake the burden off. We will keep going forgetting that acceptance is a matter of choice, undeniable linked to the power of change. In this subtle abandonment process, we learn to disregard the freeing power of an out loud spoken NO.

We accept the bad and we convince ourselves that alternatives don’t exist and with ease, we find arguments and excuses to support our decision. We get so accustomed and so comfortable with the bad until we are paralysed by the fear of challenging it. You do not change the familiar, as it might leave you unprotected. You do not challenge the familiar, as it might disturb the ordinary. And in this infamous circle, the bad becomes another facet of your normality. We fail to remember that using the power of the sharp cutting, game changing NO, becomes the simplest solution.

Acceptance is a constant in our lives and it is a blessing within well-established limits. It is advisable not to stretch over what is manageable and it is recommended to set healthy boundaries. Knowing what is acceptable and what is not, is a sign of deep self-awareness. Learning to say NO, is not a sign of weakness, but a proof of wisdom, of deeper understanding and of charming boldness. Boldness to challenge and change what cannot longer be accepted.

Accept the growth (which most of the times comes with unwanted pain), but do not allow the toxic, the undesirable and the damaging to step in. Refuse what harms you and learn to use the power of the liberating NO.

Accept the good and exclude the bad.

And my dear kind reader, please remember that acceptance is not always good, and learning to use NO is not always bad.

Lots of love,

Sharing Simple Words


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